You might recall an ex who lingered in your life longer than they should have. You’re not alone; a recent study from Portugal highlights why we often remain in unhealthy relationships.
The “sunk cost fallacy,” a concept you may remember from Economics 101, explains this tendency. It suggests that the more you invest in something, the harder it becomes to abandon it. Although you believe you’re making a logical decision, emotional ties often cloud your judgment, making it difficult to see how letting go could lead to better opportunities.
This notion extends to romantic relationships, according to researchers. People who have invested significant time, money, and effort in a relationship are likelier to stay, even if they’re unhappy.
In essence, couples tend to endure dissatisfaction due to shared history, children, or financial commitments, unlike couples with fewer shared responsibilities or shorter histories.
The study also indicated that men are more inclined to remain in unsatisfying relationships for these reasons, whereas women are more likely to initiate a divorce.
Megan Close, a marriage and family therapist in New York City, frequently observes this in couples counseling. Prioritizing time and financial investments over emotional needs can lead to affairs, overworking, and increased travel apart.
It’s not that we’re drawn to pain; we’re social creatures. “We’re all wired to be together,” Close explains. Breaking long-term bonds is challenging due to the strong connections we’ve formed with our partners over time.
If you’re unsure about ending a relationship, evaluate if your efforts to improve it make a difference. If compromises have been made but the relationship remains unfulfilling, it might be time to face the truth. (Consider following these steps to recover from a breakup swiftly.)
Having a supportive network is crucial. Reflect on all areas of your life. Is your relationship the sole source of unhappiness? “When you have a fulfilling career and supportive friends, it’s easier to recognize when a relationship doesn’t fit,” Close advises.
Ending a relationship is difficult. “Staying together is the default,” Close acknowledges. Change is challenging and can be distressing.
However, recognizing this and assessing your relationship honestly is essential. While breakups and divorces are painful, if your main reasons for staying are measurable things like the time spent together or planned vacations, it might be time to move on.