Understanding the Role of a Submissive
In a BDSM dynamic, a submissive, or sub, willingly relinquishes control to another person. This guide explores what it means to be a good submissive, identifies 8 warning signs in dominants, and provides 23 tips for being a successful sub.
From the outside, it might seem that a sub is powerless, subject to the whims of the dominant. However, the true essence of submission lies in the voluntary surrender of power, which can be reclaimed at any time. This power exchange might last for a specific scene, throughout a relationship, or somewhere in between. It may be confined to the bedroom or extend to other areas of life.
What a Submissive Isn’t
A sub is not broken, weak, or brainwashed. They are not anti-feminist, nor are they subject to non-consensual use or abuse. Being a sub involves consenting to activities that, without agreement, might be harmful.
Why Choose Submission?
People might choose to be a sub for various reasons, such as escaping daily stress or feeling cared for. Having a submissive personality doesn’t automatically make someone a sub in BDSM. Some may find empowerment in dominating because it gives them a sense of agency they lack elsewhere. Others might identify as switches, taking on either role based on the situation or relationship.
Exploring Submission Without a Partner
Even without a dominant partner, you can still explore your submissive side through self-bondage, engaging with erotica or porn, and consuming educational content. Treat your submission as a valuable gift, and be selective about who deserves it.
Red Flags and Green Flags in a Dominant
Trust is crucial when allowing someone to dominate you. Recognizing red flags can protect you from harm:
- Disrespecting your limits, whether hard or soft, is a major red flag.
- A good dom respects your boundaries and communicates openly.
- Uncontrolled anger or using your submissive role to vent frustrations is abusive.
- Avoid dominants who ignore or withhold attention as punishment.
Green flags include respecting your limits, communicating respectfully, and ensuring safety in your interactions.
The Importance of Community and Mentorship
Engage with the BDSM community for guidance on safety, tool use, and avoiding unsafe individuals. Mentors can help you grow as a submissive. Beware of dominants who aim to “break” a sub, as this can cause psychological harm.
Safety and Communication in BDSM
Safety is paramount. Choose your partners wisely, vet them through your community, and engage only in consensual play. Maintain a clear head by avoiding substances that impair judgment. Communication is vital, from initial negotiations to using safe words during scenes. Aftercare is crucial for returning to a physical and emotional baseline.
Personal Growth as a Submissive
Strive to improve your skills and behavior as a sub. Pay attention to your dom’s instructions and minimize distractions. Building trust is fundamental, and your well-being should be a priority for your dom. Communicate openly about anxieties and work together to find a comfortable pace.
Common Misconceptions About Subs
Subs are often misunderstood as weak or lacking self-respect. In reality, many are strong, confident advocates for themselves. BDSM is often pursued for enjoyment, not as a trauma response. Being a sub doesn’t necessarily mean enjoying pain; many prefer sensual over intense experiences.
Avoiding Pitfalls in Submission
Assumptions can lead to misunderstandings. Do not expect your dom to read your mind-communicate your needs and limits. Trust is built through mutual understanding and ongoing dialogue.
Conclusion
Remember, there is no perfect submissive. The journey is about self-improvement and adapting to changes within your relationship. Stay true to yourself, grow with flexibility, and respect your dom, and you’ll excel in your submissive role.