Introduction
As a 19-year-old college student, I’ve made some regrettable choices regarding sex. Initially, I reveled in casual relationships, but I repeatedly found myself misleading and unintentionally hurting my partners. I ended these relationships poorly, leaving a trail of regret.
Understanding the Root of the Problem
I’ve attempted to abstain from sex to better understand why I lead women on and then lose interest. However, abstinence is challenging in a college environment, and I often feel tempted to flirt with every woman I meet. Recently, I’ve lost interest in sex with women, leading me to question my sexual orientation. Yet, the fear of experimenting holds me back. I need guidance on how to stop causing pain to others and myself, and to rediscover enjoyment in sexual relationships.
Self-Awareness and Growth
Recognizing the impact of my actions is a step ahead of many my age. The solution isn’t simply avoiding sex, but rather exploring the reasons behind my manipulative behavior and working to change it.
Addressing Attachment Issues
It seems I have an avoidant attachment style-craving intimacy while fearing vulnerability. This results in closing myself off from meaningful relationships, enjoying attention and affection without reciprocating. To change, I must learn to embrace vulnerability and navigate the complex emotions that accompany emotional openness.
Steps Toward Change
Addressing these issues won’t happen overnight and may require the help of a therapist. Therapy can help explore the roots of my attachment style, often linked to early family dynamics.
Dating and Honesty
While working on myself, I can still date and have sex, but honesty is crucial. I must clearly communicate that I’m only interested in casual relationships. Before engaging in sex, I should ensure we’re on the same page: “I just want to make sure we’re aligned; I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”
Taking Things Slow
If I find myself genuinely interested in someone, I should proceed slowly: “I want to take things slowly because I tend to change my mind quickly when things get serious.”
Exploring Sexual Orientation
As for questions about my sexuality, the lack of interest in women may stem from guilt rather than a change in orientation. In the past, I enjoyed sex with women. Presently, I might be avoiding sex to escape repeating past behaviors, motivated by guilt and worry.
Controlling Behavior
My actions are under my control. Being upfront and honest with women, avoiding pretenses, and respecting them is vital. I know right from wrong, and it’s time to act responsibly and treat women with the respect they deserve.